Several years ago, someone I love (and someone who has had a great influence on my life and development) told me, quote:
“No one wants to know what you are thinking or feeling. We want to know what you are doing.”
I think she told me this in 2004 or 2005. If I did my research I could find the exact date. But that’s not important.
What matters is that I never realized until quite recent
ly that THIS is the reason I haven’t been writing much for the past several years. This is the reason I haven’t been posting anything regularly on this blog, despite the fact that my agents, publishers, publicists, etc all say it’s essential. At the back of my mind, deep in my subconscious, that voice has been saying: “No one wants to know what you think or what you feel.” To a writer and an aspiring musician, those are condemning words indeed.
But I must take responsibility for the fact that a) I believed this statement and b) I have let those words, and that person’s opinion rule my life. I’ve been acting like a coward, like a fearful child. Whereas what I actually am–what we all are–is a child of Divine Source. A Creation of the Creator; and a Creator myself. We all are. And as Creators, our duties are to express–with as much dignity and truth and grace as possible–what it is that we think and feel. Otherwise we are blocking that creative force, that Divine Flow. I believe that those forces are actually divine messages, aching to flow through us and out into the world. Artists are the first messengers, the Winged Mercuries. Yes, people (as in critics, flamers, politicians) often shoot the messengers, but that’s the risk we must take.
Do I claim to be the most interesting person on the planet? Do I claim that my thoughts and feelings are essential to the workings of the world? Well, no. And yes. If something I write can be of benefit to at least one person on this planet; if something I sing can benefit at least one person, or plant, or dog; then yes, it is important. Can you see that?
There’s a quote I love which says something to the effect of: “You exist. Therefore you belong.” (I’d love it if someone could remind me of the source of the quote and of the correct precise quotation)
So I suppose when I heard my loved one tell me that no one wants to know what I think or feel, I took that to mean: You Don’t Deserve To Exist.”
That’s my warped mind talking. And I don’t need to listen to voices like that anymore. From now on I’m going to try to write the way I used to write. From the heart. Without fear about what others might say about it. Hey, if I sound crazy, I sound crazy. At least the other crazies, odd balls, and hippie peace freaks will know what I mean.
Sending love and hugs to you all. And thank you for all the support you’ve given me throughout the years. I love the fact that you read and that you care.
~
“That is part of the beauty of all literature. You discover that your longings are universal longings, that you’re not lonely and isolated from anyone. You belong.”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald
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